Aspiring Canadian

No...the title not my way of telling you that I'm packing it in and heading North. Nor it it my way of telling you that I'm trading in my southern drawl for the likes of "aboot" and "eh." It's my way of saying that there was a little extra spring in my step this morning because my favorite guilty pleasure is back for a new season.

That extra spring in my step, by the way, is completely metaphorical. I was pouring caffeine in my eyes to stay awake today because I stayed up so late watching Jillian meet the 30 men who showed up in Hollywood to sweep The Bachelorette off her feet. And did you notice that she corrected Chris Harrison every time he said "husband"? Is it too much to hope that she might actually have realistic expectations for a TV dating show?

So here's the scoop--I love writing about the bachelor(ette) almost as much as I love watching it with Laura and Tracy. But I can't commit to weekly commentary this season as I did for the wretched Jason Mesnick (oh, our girl Melissa is getting such sweet revenge on DWTS, isn't she?!).

I'll be traveling about 75% of the time this summer, so most of my time with Jillian and the boys is going to be courtesy of the DVR. And the weeks that I'm around I'll have a conflict with my Bible Study. And yes, I do sort of feel compelled to pick Jesus over Jillian. And yes, I didn't make that choice last night and watched the kick-off with the girls instead. And yes, I'm going to do that again for the finale. And yes, I'll be watching the show, but I have no idea when it will be each week and it seems kind of silly to post a blog about a show several days after it airs.

Unless, of course, there's something too juicy to pass up and then I'm sure I won't be able to help myself.

But I do have a few thoughts from last night. First, while I think I'm exactly 3 feet taller than her, I really want the girl's clothes. I realize that all those cute coats would be a bit impractical in Austin. And apparently to wear said coats I would need to wander the streets looking all forlorn and melancholy. But still. The girl's got style.

Most of the guys last night on the other hand? Not so much. Seriously--when did they move the show to Miami-Dade county? Was last night about winning over a girl or channeling Crockett and Tubbs? I haven't seen that many pastel shirts parade by in, well, 25 yeas. And I prefer it that way. But I suppose that it was apropos given all the break dancing that went down in the house. Hello there, 1984...so nice to see you again.

Over all, there were (as always) a few winners and a few crazies right off the top. Tanner is apparently this season's Shannon--gotta love a stalker. Oh, that would be Tanner F. But Tanner P. with the foot fetish is equally crazy. Let's say good-bye to them both. Quickly. And then there's Wes from Austin. UGH...why does this show keep giving my fair city such a bad name? (And yes, we're the live musical capital of the world, but I've never seen someone sitting in a window like that playing the guitar. Come on ABC...we know you hate Brad, but don't bring the rest of us down, too. Thankyousomuch.).

I love that Dave got the first impression rose and imagine that men everywhere who watch this show (because they are forced to by the women in their lives, I'm sure) will start getting "tongue tied" when trying to impress a girl. And go right ahead...it was pretty darn cute. The Aspiring Canadian guy was good (the shirt was a clever way to stand out without bringing out the crazy). And I immediately liked Juan from LA, but I apparently have a huge crush on SoCal right now, so it might just be that.

All the makings of completely-awful-and-yet-totally-delicious season of entertainment. I've always been a sucker for summer love (even if it is totally make believe).

[Editing to add that Chris Harrison's blog is back. And I didn't read it (or any others) before writing my own. I feel all warm and fuzzy that he welcomed us, his treasured viewers, back exactly the same way I welcomed back our dear friend, 1984. Just sayin'. Oh, and Chris, I'm really trying hard to win Laura back into your fan club. The emotions are still a little raw, but we're working on it.]

Magical Chemistry. Or Maybe Not.

Yowser. Was the Internet on FIRE today with some Jason-Bachelor-ABC hating or WHAT?!

I showed tremendous restraint and actually didn't read any of my favorite blogs on the topic until I have a chance to get my own thoughts down (and you can bet your bottom dollar that I'll be flying through them as soon as I hit "publish"). The exception was Chris Harrison's "behind the scenes" blog. He gives the full skinny on when it happened (After the Final Rose was filmed 6 weeks ago), what Jason said led up to it, and--as if this wasn't painfully obvious--that it was the most uncomfortable interview he'd ever done. You think??

But I guess I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I? Because there was so much before we got to that point. This would be a novel if I tried to recap it all, so I'm just going to give you my favorite moments.

• The show starts with Melissa meeting Ty and then the rest of the family, and STARS...if I ever questioned whether or not the show was scripted it was at this point. Specifically...the sheep joke. Really?! Melissa just had a sheep joke up her sleeve for a moment such as this? REALLY? I can ASSURE you, that I have no such repertoire. And I kinda don't think I'm the only one. And, no offense to Melissa here, she just doesn't strike me as the kind of gal that's really that into barnyard humor.
• What was going on during Molly's date while they were at the house? First there was the very weird moment with Jason and the fam sitting around the pool while, I'm pretty sure, Ty was holding on for dear life. That was just weird. And then to take step further into the echelon of awkwardness, Jason and his mom had that "tender" moment out on the lawn under a blanket. Now, don't get me wrong--I am ALL about a boy who loves his mama--but I draw the line at sunset snuggling.
• DeAnna--how LAME was that?! It was so weird and awkward (hmmm...a theme for the night?!). She obviously did a great job of scoring a little vacay down under in exchange for espousing the wisdom to Jason to "don't follow your heart. Lead it." Followed by this little gem, "If I'd followed my head or my heart I would have chosen differently." DeAnna--please--we're dying to know--what DID you follow?! I think that whole scene qualifies as "The MOST overrated Bachelor moment ever."

So then it all came down to the final decision. First we see him say good-bye to Molly, "the tomboy gone pretty", which apparently made him want to throw himself off the balcony in a storm of tears. [Side note--special thanks to Emily for passing on the stat she heard on the radio--Jason cried TWENTY-FOUR times in this episode. Was that ALL?].

He got over it pretty quickly, though, because after his heart BROKE for Molly he promptly turned around and proposed to Melissa, who responded with the weirdest happy dance I've ever seen. [Is it just me, or would you expect a little more rhythm from a DCC? (That Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader for y'all who aren't in the know..and I was one of you until I was schooled in such things by LB. And she knows everything cool and hip and trendy.) And Mel's hair--great in theory, so bad in execution].

But he put the ring on her finger and they took the Nestea Plunge with Ty to cement that it was, in fact, true love. And apparently they were blissfully happy for about 5 whole minutes.

Until Jason broke up with her on national television. Ugh. I still don't know what I want to say about all of this. On the one hand...HELLO, it's a TV show and you knew what you were in for when you took the gig. But I'm a softy (and let's be honest, Jasons breaking up with Melissas hits a little too close to home). It was just so bad to have to watch it happen. I had no delusions of happily ever after for these two, but I also didn't think the poor girl would be humiliated like that and if I had any control at all I might have even stopped watching. But of course that didn't happen. ABC really did hit a new low when they sent her into the limo. Did they really need to add that injury to the insult she'd just endured?!

And then Miss Molly took him back. With lightening speed she went from giving him the icy stare to wrapping her hand around his thigh. A speed rivaled only by how quickly Jason jumped from one relationship to another after admitting that what he did to her was horrible. Yeah...that's what I want someone to say to me 30 seconds after breaking off his engagement. Just sweeps me right off my feet.

So tonight they came on and gushed about how happy they are and how they wouldn't do anything differently. I'm sure Melissa is REAL happy about that. I have to admit that, while I was disgusted by what happened, I wasn't outraged until Jason said--at least four times--that the great thing about Molly was that (wait for it) she is his best friend. OH NO HE DIDN'T!! Seriously?? After freaking out because that's what Jillian was looking for? Sigh. This is clearly a conflicted and messed up guy. Brad Womack must be so pleased.

[OH...I can't let it all go without commenting on Stephanie's outfit in Part 2. Tracy astutely observed that she appears to have MAD BeDazzeling skilz. MAD!]

Oh well. The most entertaining part of the whole experience was watching with my posse. These girls make me laugh so hard and there were a couple of time where I was in tears and stitches at their cutting observations and running commentary. And when Laura started screaming at the tv "I hate you Jason! Enough with the tears!!" I couldn't even see straight.I think there was a moment where Chris Harrison was even dead to her, but I hope we can manage to revive that.

Here are a few pictures of the party and our carefully chosen "Bachelor Inspired" attire...please note the scarves, poufs, Uggs, and obscenely inappropriate amounts of jewelry (you can't tell that I'm wearing 4 bracelets and 6 rings...remind you of anyone?).

Thanks, girls, for SO MUCH FUN over the past few weeks. Can't wait until next season! (Oh, come on, I'm not even going to pretend that I won't watch). Go Jillian!!

Seriously?!

Wow. OK, so I know I have to write about the finale--and I will--but at the moment I'm too shell-shocked. And disgusted. And, quite frankly, a little amused. This is TELEVISION dating, after all. And it was so, so bad. So I'm going to have to process it all and collect my thoughts. SO MANY thoughts. For everyone's sake, they're going to need to be censored. Check back in on Wednesday and I'll glom it all together after tomorrow's "After the Final Rose, Part 2" Anyone want to place bets on whether or not he ends up with Jillian or DeAnna?? :-)

OH...and despite what trivial thoughts I might have on the show, I promise that I'll post the pictures of our little group dressed up in a delightful Bachelor fashion parody...

"All the Clouds are Aligning"

Oh, where to even start? Let's go with the fact that I know this is late. It's Wednesday. The show was Monday. The 2 of you who actually check to see what commentary I have to share (thanks, BTW!) might actually want it to be timely. But let's be honest...while I'm addicted to this silly little show I am actually trying to have a life at the same time. And one day I might even write about my life rather than the lives of these beautiful singles who are trying to find love in front of you, me, and all of America. But not today. Today, we focus on our "reality show rejects."

I'll tell it to you straight--I've never enjoyed the "Girls Tell All" episode and have always felt like it was just a stumbling block to the finale. BUT...this season it was different. Why, you ask? Two words: Chris Harrison. And our buddy Chris? He BROUGHT IT! Seriously! Forget these lame guys who are competing, our indelible host is the real deal.

I think this was the first time that Chris and the bachelor have had that little fire side chat to give us the real skinny on what he thought about the various antics throughout the season. It's pretty obvious that Chris and Jason have developed a real friendship (perhaps the only REAL relationship that will survive this show). And so I guess that's what opened the door for Chris to be, well, pretty darn honest and direct in his questioning.

There was a lot of good stuff here, but let's just cut to the goodies. He NAILED Jason on the Jillian situation. I love that he didn't let him get away with the whole "I need more than just a best friend" junk. Yeah...because in that hot tub scene there was clearly NO chemistry. His exact words (because they're worth enjoying again verbatim--and don't think that LB and I didn't rewind it at least 5 times), "What you did in the hot tub almost consummated a marriage. Cinemax called and THEY said it was too much!" I'm such a fan of just telling it like it is.

Chris also pushed J on the tent overnight with Molly. I'm certain I'm the not only one that saw right through J's face when he said, appropriately utilizing the baseball euphemism, that he only made it to first base.

Hey Jason--call me when you want to play some poker, cause I stink at the game but even my poker face is better than that!

After that delightful little segment wrapped up we were subjected to the parade of former contestants. For the love of Pete...ENOUGH of Ryan and Trista. Really. They just keep saying the same thing every time and I'm done with it. ONE successful couple of the dozen that the show has produced is not going to convince me that my ticket to true love and happiness is via ABC. (Sorry, Laura... ;-) ).

Even worse than Ryan and Trista were Charlie and Sarah. Now, I know that I just said that I'm a fan of telling it like it is. But that's a little different than airing your dirty laundry, once again, a la the the American Broadcasting Company. When Sarah said that they broke up the first time because "it was all the drinking. I didn't appreciate his drinking" I about spit out my wine. Maybe it's because I'm Southern. Or maybe I just know the difference between straight shooting and verbal incontinence. Either way, Sarah dear...TOO MUCH INFORMATION! And you know that ABC was scraping the bottom of the barrel if the trotted that out as a success story.

I did, however, enjoy the story of Fred and Noelle. They're pretty darn cute and I wish 'em well!

Finally we got to the drama deluxe portion of the broadcast.

Oh, Natalie. "If you don't feel a connection with me, like, who do you think you are, GOD?" Hmmm...perhaps it was her professed love of bears that did it. [And wow, chickie gave some FACES throughout the show]. But, of course, I did feel sorry for her...she's a lost soul wrapped up in a Barbie body and biker chick duds...and she was as scattered as a mess of fire ants when you step on the mound.

Nikki...why did she keep calling Natalie "Nat"?? Is using a pet name when you dish on someone supposed to soften the blow?

Naomi...I have to just say it...I have no idea what she was saying...could the cameraman NOT have changed the angle on that? Did we really need to see Lauren's boobs the whole time?? That was painfully uncomfortable!

Shannon...oh, she's just as crazy as ever. CRAZY. That's enough about her.

Stephanie...hello...1992 called and wants that outfit back. I know, I KNOW...she's NICE. Yeah. Unfortunately her since of style hasn't quite caught up (though I do appreciate any girl that really owns her style that much).

And then there's our Jillian. Sigh. She's so going to be the next Bachelorette and I was tickled that Chris seemed to imply that it was more than wishful thinking on our part. And, once again, I had total dress envy. That girl's got STYLE! I think I'm about a foot taller than her, but I'd still love to do a little shopping out her closet!

So, there you have it. We got the montage of Molly and Melissa (I'm still laughing about the "hot pools" that was just a big barrel of hot water) and a teaser to let us know that something's about to happen that will result in an "After the Final Rose" show that's SO CONTROVERSIAL that they filmed it without an audience (but, you, know, are apparently going to still let those of us close and personal friends at home watch en mass). Jason was acting weird about it and we think there's something fishy. Will he pull a "Brad" and not pick either? Will he (horror of horrors) end up with DeAnna? Or are they just trying to fake us out? All of his words in the montage certainly pointed towards Melissa, but I guess we'll all just have to tune in next week and see.

Until then, just remember that Jason feels like "All the clouds are aligning".

[And perhaps I'll squeeze a post that less TV and more reality].

The Most Painful Rose Cermony Ever

I'm going to warn you right now that I'm not feeling very cheeky. I just don't like how this one turned out, and frankly I'm feeling a little pouty about it. But I'm eating a Samoa as a write, so things might be looking up.

Fantasy date week always promises solid entertainment, not to mention a sharp spike in the va-va-voom factor. I personally liked the choice of New Zealand--very different from the standard beach locations of seasons past. Don't get me wrong...I think the beach is the happiest place on earth...but it was nice to have a little variety. Wasn't it GORGEOUS? TY--we're so jealous that you're there!!

So we'll start with Jillian. She got the absolute best date by far. There was a little plaid overload going on with those two, but I thought the whole top of the mountain picnic was blissfully romantic and I thought that what she said about looking for her best friend to love was lovely. Our bachelor, however, did not agree. I can't believe this is the point he got stuck on, but he clearly never let it go. It seemed to be what did her in, but not, of course, before the rest of the date was over. The pink dress at dinner? Spectacular. The, uh, bikini with Uggs? Not so much. I love Jill's sense of style, but that was over the top. This was, of course, after she threw down the gauntlet and asked, "are you sure you can handle all this fire?" Apparently her lower legs and feet were not on fire and needed a little shearling coverage for the walk to the hot tub.

The hot tub. Oh, my head spins with all the things I could say about this scene. For starters, how do you make out like that with the camera and crew right there watching? Not to mention that we're filming a TV show here, which probably means that, you know a gagillion people are watching. Including her parents. And his. And hello--all the other girls! And the voice over. "I could feel her hands on me." Really?? And the music...so, so bad. And that's enough about that. The whole thing was just a little more boom-chicka-boom-boom than was necessary...especially with the girl he "breaks up with" at the end of the day.

And then there's Molly. I thought the questions were cute, but it still cracks me up. You, know, because when you only have 6 weeks to date someone (while he dates 24 of your friends), and then get engaged, it's good to go into it knowing each others favorite ice cream flavors. Jason's stylist proved yet again that s/he needs a new career. Laura thinks that maybe Haynes is secretly sponsoring this season...if they haven't already they may as well ask him to be their spokesperson. I think that this season they must have used the same "fantasy suite" for all three girls (so much is wrong with that) because they showed a different area of the room for each "date". I guess after the show J&J put on in the hot tub they couldn't exactly reuse it. So poor Molly only got the bathtub. Nothing says "fantasy" like hanging out in your swimsuit in a bathtub in New Zealand.

So then there's Melissa. I really thought she was a goner after last week, but alas, I think she's getting the final rose. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Her date was pathetically lame. It was beautiful, I'll give them that. But am I correct in observing that "the hot pools" turned out to be a single hot tub> Without even the jets? Hmmm...maybe the whole tropical island locations are a better Bachelor fit after all. Did you notice how many times Jason referred to falling in love with Melissa? My count was three times. I counted zero times that he said anything like that about the other girls.

The Rose Ceremony was just awful. Even though I really had no idea what he was going to do, I was still completely shocked. I'm really not sure why I hated it so much. Then again, I might be just as crazy as these girls for caring enough to write this much about a reality dating show. But that's OK...you might be just as crazy for reading it.

"Life is a Dance"

I have to start this week's recap by saying that I think I might have been a little on the girls in the past week. I stand by my opinion that Shannon has exhibited alarming stalker tendencies, but don't want to cross the line with my little blog to being mean. So I'll work on that. :-)

I love the hometown dates! I always love this part of the season because we get so much insight into the girls' lives. And I'm so intrigued by how the parents respond to being dragged in to this alternate reality of TV dating. I always get a good chuckle imagining how my own parents would fare in this situation. I know y'all can't fully appreciate that...but trust me that it would be (as Laura would say) HI-larious! Seriously.

I'll dive in with a general comment--Attention Jason's Stylist! Did they give you the week off?Did Jason's luggage get lost and force him to shop at a local big box store? I was so thrown by the gray Haynes-esque t-shirt that he wore with Jillian and appeared to be wearing again under his sweater with Melissa. Surely we can do better than this! At least he did have the nicer button down on when delivering that horrifying, er, touching, eulogy. More on that in a sec.

Jillian's Date. We think Jillian is adorable, smart, sassy and deep. Her date completely cemented that and her coat was so cute that her own white t-shirt didn't bother me. Her family was endearing and I think she's making it through to the final two. She's great. Her mother's poem was, undoubtedly, over the top...but it did set the theme for the doves that Naomi's mom so nicely ties to later. And it gave me a title for this post. Her dress at the rose ceremony, once again, rocked. Great taste, this one! If nothing else she's a good match for J because he needs her fashion savvy.

Naomi's Date. Wow...I don't even know where to start. Given that I think my own family would be, uh, entertaining, in this situation I need to tread lightly, but I feel certain that no parents I am acquainted with would open with hula hoops and then follow that up with a dead dove. Seriously. SERIOUSLY?? I can't even wrap my brain around that. And then poor dad straight up shares the Gospel (which I completely appreciate on the one hand, and yet the timing/setting was so less than idea--and did you notice the row of slot machines in the background??). So he's interrupted by the mom who wants to talk to him about reincarnation. (Insert that annoying sound that's like a record scratching). Uh...what?! It was so much of a paradox that the whole thing seemed like a dip into the twilight zone. Made me feel a rush of compassion for Naomi, though. But not enough to think he should keep her around. Her exit was no surprise...a bit overdue, even.

Molly's Date. What was up with the VERY nonchalant way that she greeted him at the golf course? She was cute as a button but seemed really off the whole time. And again with the over the top mother! I appreciate that Jason was a great sport with the crazy hats...not to mention the very monitored art project. No pressure there! My favorite line of the night was when her dad told her that if she doesn't make it to the end to not cry in the limo. Classic!

Melissa's Date. I was a little distracted on this one by the constant melody of an old ad jingle running through my head. Any guesses which one? Sing it with me! "Who wear's short shorts? We wear short shorts! If you dare wear short shorts, Nair for short shorts!" Melissa: we get it...you have great legs. At this point, though, the constant short shorts are crossing over to the side of the block that isn't usually referred to as "classy". Jason had on jeans and a long-sleeve t-shirt (albeit another chintzy one) and she's running around in those shorts and a tank top. It just didn't work for me. But...I can let it go because I really did feel sorry for her. If her best friends have barely even met her family and don't know much about them, there's a story there and it's probably not a good one. She made the cut this week, but I think her days are numbered.

So I just don't know what to think about DeAnna still not being back. She's going to crash the fantasy dates?? That just seems wrong. Deliciously entertaining...but wrong. It was hard to tell if she's coming next week or when he's down to the final two. That would just be cruel. But I can't deny that it would make for excellent "reality" TV.

I watched last night with Laura at her house and her hubby Dave came home around the time of the rose ceremony. While he obviously thinks we're crazy, he joined us and we tried to bring him up to speed on who's who and what's what. Then he looked over, and with what can only be described as incredulous horror asked "Are you taking NOTES?" After wiping away the laughter-induced tears, I had to admit that yes, I was taking notes. I feel a duty to you, my 3-ish readers, to be accurate and thorough. I take this blogging thing very seriously.

And Dave...if Laura convinced you to read this...thanks for indulging us. And thanks for making sure my fellow Bachelor-obsessed friend can watch with me each week!

Sleepless in Seattle

Well there's no way to sugarcoat it. This week's episode of The Bachelor just wasn't dripping with the insanity of weeks past. I can only attribute this to the lack of Crazy "how far can I get before they figure out that I'm a stalker and file a restraining order" Shannon. I feel certain her absence was most noted by bloggers nationwide.

But there were still 5 ladies in the game and that's enough for a little drama. This week included travel, talk radio, tension, and tacky. So the girls all jet off to Seattle to see Jason in his element and spice things up a bit. (And it should be noted that 4 of the 5 were wearing scarves on the journey. This only further confirms that 2009 is, in fact, the year of the scarf.)

I thought Melissa handled the change in plans pretty well, but questioned her decision to wear the dress over to his (FABULOUS) house. I also just questioned the dress...did she really need a sparkly snake between the boobs? Really?? I didn't care for it and didn't think it did anything to flatter her annoyingly perfect figure. But I guess when you get all dolled up for the man that you're competing for you may as well show it off. And she had the "1-2 Punch" thing going for her when she then changed into what could certainly NOT be described as "stretchy pants". Boy shorts, maybe, but not stretchy pants.

Oh, and how cute is that little Ty?? Precious.

On the group date I wanted to just crawl up in a ball under the couch when they played the "guess who I'm kissing" game and then asked those poor girls, live on the radio, what their style is "when the lights go off". Laura and I had to pause and laugh for a bit imagining what my answer would have been on that.

I think it would have been something along the lines of "Uh, well...I...uh...umm...uh, well" while turning bright red and, for the first time in my life, channeling those Startrek people and silently begging somebody to just beam me up. Or out. Or anywhere other than in front of that microphone.

The tension among the girls in the room and the two at home who had to listen as Jason told the world that Molly was the best kisser of the group, was, well, what you'd expect in that situation. And didn't you love how Naomi and Melissa instantly started assuming that he must only have been considering the girls on the date. CLASSIC.

So lets get to the tacky. I think you know where I'm going with this. Poor Stephanie. She absolutely seems like a lovely person. I want to believe that about her. I just have such a hard time getting past all the bling to take anything that she says seriously. Her outfits on this episode were the worst so far. And let's be honest. That's saying A LOT. I tried to count her rings while she was steering the boat and could be certain if there were 4 or 5. Either way, I'd say that's at least 3 too many. With the glittery t-shirt. Under the fur vest. With the glittery eyeshadow. And the ginormous earrings. And I'm sure multiple other accessories that I couldn't quite see behind the glare of the ones mentioned.

I'm going to spare you the psychoanalysis on why I think she does and says some of the things she does--she's certainly had a rough road of it--but I wasn't surprised when Jason let her go and I don't think she's as ready to "love again" as one might think given the gazillion times she said it.

Now. Here's what I'm DYING to know. WHERE'S DEANNA? They showed her coming back in the first episode. We know it's coming. But it's definitely starting to feel like she's out of time. So surely it has to be this next week--right??

I'm holding my breath. I'm doing it Joey Tribbiani style, but holding it nonetheless.

Alternate Reality: The Bachelor

Wow. WOW.

So this week's Bachelor was a train wreck DELUXE! It was so chocked full of moments that are screaming for commentary that I actually had to get out a pad and pen so I could keep track of all the crazy. Chocked FULL! There's so much that I'm not even sure where to start, so I'm just going to dive in and warn you now that this is gonna be a long one.

The Singing.
It's always interesting to see what's going to happen in these moments, and future bachelor and bachelorettes should just take note--if you take yourself too seriously, you're not going to win the date. Stephanie with the operetta. In hot pink hot pants with the side pony tail, way too much bling, and a little bare midriff. So, so bad. And Lauren, you missed the point. When you are so certain of your victory it usually means the only thing certain is your defeat. Humility is hot. (Maybe we can chip in a get her a t-shirt with that on it?)

The Group Date.
There's always drama on these dates, but this was so over the top. All the "stage kissing" in front of each other didn't do anything to ease the tension, but I did enjoy the expressions from the other girls as they watched each other mug down. I thought they were going to need a real doctor after Megan mauled Jason in their scene. And Melissa could have poked an eye out with that pouf. Our little watch group had to pause it so we could try to figure out the physics of that ponytail. We were unsuccessful.

Once they moved to the "wrap party" it just got worse and the real soap opera began. All the crying! I might have felt sorry for Jason but I think he amped it up with his sleepover with Molly the night before. I'm a single woman out there in the dating game. I can assure you that if I went out with someone and knew he'd spent the night with someone else and woke up that morning to go out with me, I might, well, be feeling a little drama myself. Then again, I wouldn't be on a date with other women at the same time...hmmm...OK...I digress.

Rising to the top of the heap...Lauren with the ultimatum. Seriously?? Single friends--please tell me you know this approach never works. Couldn't you just see it on his face as hie imagined, uh, being "dominated" for the rest of his life? Not pretty. Melissa with the shorts--another point where we had to pause and inspect to figure out what was going on. We decided that they were spandex-ish workout-ish shorts. Not a fashion trend that I'm gonna be getting on board with anytime soon! If you have insight on what she was wearing, please post it in the comments section!

And finally on this date: The. MOST. AWKWARD. Bachelor. Moment. EVER. Poor, poor, crazy, stalker, Shannon. I laughed so hard I cried. But let me assure you that I did not end up with the oh so unattractive snot face that she was sporting. The "I won't let you leave me" stalker revelation followed by the nose blowing/picking followed by that attempt at the kiss. Classic. Really one of the best Bachelor moments ever. Chris Harrison says it best on his blog, " Don't blow your nose, pick it, and then go in for a kiss. And if you do, don't be so shocked when the other person rejects you." Yeah. Enough said. (BTW...Chris Harrison rocks, as does his blog with the weekly behind the scenes scoop).

The 2 on 1 Date.
I'll be brief here. I just need to say that while Stephanie seems like a perfectly lovely person, her mannerisms are that of a 45-50 year old (no offense to the many fabulous women I know in this age range...who act much younger and hipper than Stephanie does). I did feel bad for Nikki here. And I hope that she seeks some counseling because it's tough times for her and she's clearly not over that last break-up. Stephanie's face when Jason chose her was painfully smug. I'm only glad she's still around because I get so tickled by Laura's reaction every time Stephanie says "My man". Which is A LOT.

The Rest of It.
I'm giving Jason props for not giving out all the roses. He did manage to lower the crazy factor before he takes them home next week. And speaking of the crazy factor...Shannon, Shannon, Shannon. Sigh. Really?? Did you notice that in each frame of this episode she managed to look more like a crazy bag lady? Topped off with the macrame mu mu. Really. Not. Good. But, bless her for giving us the MOST AWESOME moment in all of Bachelor history. Her exit interview and those final last words, "I'm going to go home, get my electric toothbrush and give my puppy french kisses."

Let's just hope she wiped the snot off first.

Alternate Reality

Ah reality TV. You have to love it. And hate it. And, of course, realize that there's NOTHING real about it. There are two reality shows that I watch, well, in a way that some might describe as obsessive. One is the so-bad-you-have-to-watch train wreck variety (The Bachelor) and the other is the feel-good-inspire-you-to-be-better type (The Biggest Loser). These shows have too much good material not to comment. I'll start with TB and try to post on TBL tomorrow.

OK...there's really only one word for this group of girls. CRAZY. Seriously--where do they find these girls? I get that most of the normal girls out there appreciate that they probably won't find true love on national television whilst competing with 24 other girls and so maybe they don't apply, but this particular bunch is all kinds of wacky.

So where to even start...I'm going to just do a list (and will try to be brief):

• Stephanie--Sigh. She's a nice enough girl, but seems so much older than the rest. And I really do feel for her with all she's been through...but I'm ready to know something else about her--ANYTHING else--beyond her loss. It's time. OH...and as LBC and I had to discuss at length during the show last night, what was up with all of Sophie's wardrobe changes? Who wears a princess dress to Lego Land...and then reveals swimwear underneath...I think she had 4 outfits all together?? Still scratching my head on that.
• The group date--Yeah...I'm all for doing a good deed and all, but there's only the slimmest of chances (like NONE) that I would have lost my top and gotten all plastered up in that setting. And while I'm not complaining, I was amused that Jason just didn't put his shirt back on. Oh...but LOVED Jillian's dress. Having a little dress envy, in fact.
• Natalie--Wow. I love bears??? Yeah...I think that's enough said.
• The drama--With this much unstable crazy in one house, it's inevitable, right? But I felt a little for Lauren for basically getting called out after Jason all but begged her for the scoop on the other girls.
• Shannon--Poor Shannon. I haven't gotten past her total stalker revelations from the first show. And I kept hoping that they had a lot of mouthwash in that bathroom that she kept, uh, visiting. I can't believe he hasn't let her go yet. And filed a restraining order.

I'm not sure if I can pick a favorite at this point. I guess it's a toss up between Molly, Melissa, and Jillian (the dress bumped her up!).

This season is so, so bad. And yet I will certainly watch again next week.