Sleepless in Seattle

Well there's no way to sugarcoat it. This week's episode of The Bachelor just wasn't dripping with the insanity of weeks past. I can only attribute this to the lack of Crazy "how far can I get before they figure out that I'm a stalker and file a restraining order" Shannon. I feel certain her absence was most noted by bloggers nationwide.

But there were still 5 ladies in the game and that's enough for a little drama. This week included travel, talk radio, tension, and tacky. So the girls all jet off to Seattle to see Jason in his element and spice things up a bit. (And it should be noted that 4 of the 5 were wearing scarves on the journey. This only further confirms that 2009 is, in fact, the year of the scarf.)

I thought Melissa handled the change in plans pretty well, but questioned her decision to wear the dress over to his (FABULOUS) house. I also just questioned the dress...did she really need a sparkly snake between the boobs? Really?? I didn't care for it and didn't think it did anything to flatter her annoyingly perfect figure. But I guess when you get all dolled up for the man that you're competing for you may as well show it off. And she had the "1-2 Punch" thing going for her when she then changed into what could certainly NOT be described as "stretchy pants". Boy shorts, maybe, but not stretchy pants.

Oh, and how cute is that little Ty?? Precious.

On the group date I wanted to just crawl up in a ball under the couch when they played the "guess who I'm kissing" game and then asked those poor girls, live on the radio, what their style is "when the lights go off". Laura and I had to pause and laugh for a bit imagining what my answer would have been on that.

I think it would have been something along the lines of "Uh, well...I...uh...umm...uh, well" while turning bright red and, for the first time in my life, channeling those Startrek people and silently begging somebody to just beam me up. Or out. Or anywhere other than in front of that microphone.

The tension among the girls in the room and the two at home who had to listen as Jason told the world that Molly was the best kisser of the group, was, well, what you'd expect in that situation. And didn't you love how Naomi and Melissa instantly started assuming that he must only have been considering the girls on the date. CLASSIC.

So lets get to the tacky. I think you know where I'm going with this. Poor Stephanie. She absolutely seems like a lovely person. I want to believe that about her. I just have such a hard time getting past all the bling to take anything that she says seriously. Her outfits on this episode were the worst so far. And let's be honest. That's saying A LOT. I tried to count her rings while she was steering the boat and could be certain if there were 4 or 5. Either way, I'd say that's at least 3 too many. With the glittery t-shirt. Under the fur vest. With the glittery eyeshadow. And the ginormous earrings. And I'm sure multiple other accessories that I couldn't quite see behind the glare of the ones mentioned.

I'm going to spare you the psychoanalysis on why I think she does and says some of the things she does--she's certainly had a rough road of it--but I wasn't surprised when Jason let her go and I don't think she's as ready to "love again" as one might think given the gazillion times she said it.

Now. Here's what I'm DYING to know. WHERE'S DEANNA? They showed her coming back in the first episode. We know it's coming. But it's definitely starting to feel like she's out of time. So surely it has to be this next week--right??

I'm holding my breath. I'm doing it Joey Tribbiani style, but holding it nonetheless.