Monday, October 5, 2009

Do They Make a GPS for That?

I'm the kind of gal that really likes maps. I like knowing the lay of the land--what's North or South and how places are connected together by a spiderweb of roads and highways. I absolutely love to travel but rarely go anywhere without studying a map first to get my bearings and understand the relationship of the location to its surroundings. It helps me to appreciate and more fully experience the destination.

Or maybe I just like control.

The thing about studying a map and "understanding" where I'm at, if I'm really honest, has a lot to do with feeling like I'm in control of where I'm at. That I have knowledge (hello, power!) and that I'm not purely at the mercy of my concierge or cabbie.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I alluded a few times in previous posts (yes, like a million years ago) that there was big news in the works. The truth is that I thought I was bound for Southern California. I've been working towards a really cool promotion for the past year and it looked like it was all going to come together and I was going to pack it all up and head West. I fully imagined life by the beach--surfing, running along the sand, and lots of time to soak up the sun, sights and sounds of ocean living. Truth be told, my heart was pretty much set on it. Oh...and the job would have been a killer career opportunity.

At the eleventh hour it all fell apart. I got the offer, but yada yada ya, we couldn't make the details work out when it all came down to it. I would be lying if I said that I was anything other than incredibly disappointed.

So the past few weeks have been weighty ones. I've had to reconcile that something I really wanted and looked forward to wasn't going to pan out. I was so sure that I had read the map correctly and was navigating to not only where I wanted to go, but also to the place I thought I was supposed to go next.

Yeah. Not so much. Feels a little bit like deja vu.

(And for the record, if you ever have such issues to wade through, I highly recommend retreating to Napa. Definitely worked for me.)

So here I am at the proverbial crossroads. And honestly? I have NO idea what's next. Those of you who know me well can imagine that this is, an, uh, less than comfortable place for me to be. But it's that good kind of uncomfortable. My house is still on the market and I still plan to sell it, but have no idea what I'm going to do if/when it actually sells. I still have a job (for which I am definitely grateful), but I know it's not one that really challenges or excites me. I think it's time for something new, but what that looks like I really don't know.

I think my heart is still in California and there are lots of reasons that I'd like to head West and explore the possibilities. And oh, yeah...we're still in a recession so it's not like there a jobs a plenty just waiting for me to come along.

There have been moments when all of the above have filled me with pause--not to mention some angst. But there have also been lots of moments that have filled me with pure excitement and anticipation of what the next adventure might be.

So here we go...there's a journey ahead. And there's no map for this one. I suspect that all of my control-loving-sensibilities are going to be challenged along the way. But I'm also pretty sure that it's going to be wild and wonderful ride.

Buckle up!