The Most Painful Rose Cermony Ever

I'm going to warn you right now that I'm not feeling very cheeky. I just don't like how this one turned out, and frankly I'm feeling a little pouty about it. But I'm eating a Samoa as a write, so things might be looking up.

Fantasy date week always promises solid entertainment, not to mention a sharp spike in the va-va-voom factor. I personally liked the choice of New Zealand--very different from the standard beach locations of seasons past. Don't get me wrong...I think the beach is the happiest place on earth...but it was nice to have a little variety. Wasn't it GORGEOUS? TY--we're so jealous that you're there!!

So we'll start with Jillian. She got the absolute best date by far. There was a little plaid overload going on with those two, but I thought the whole top of the mountain picnic was blissfully romantic and I thought that what she said about looking for her best friend to love was lovely. Our bachelor, however, did not agree. I can't believe this is the point he got stuck on, but he clearly never let it go. It seemed to be what did her in, but not, of course, before the rest of the date was over. The pink dress at dinner? Spectacular. The, uh, bikini with Uggs? Not so much. I love Jill's sense of style, but that was over the top. This was, of course, after she threw down the gauntlet and asked, "are you sure you can handle all this fire?" Apparently her lower legs and feet were not on fire and needed a little shearling coverage for the walk to the hot tub.

The hot tub. Oh, my head spins with all the things I could say about this scene. For starters, how do you make out like that with the camera and crew right there watching? Not to mention that we're filming a TV show here, which probably means that, you know a gagillion people are watching. Including her parents. And his. And hello--all the other girls! And the voice over. "I could feel her hands on me." Really?? And the music...so, so bad. And that's enough about that. The whole thing was just a little more boom-chicka-boom-boom than was necessary...especially with the girl he "breaks up with" at the end of the day.

And then there's Molly. I thought the questions were cute, but it still cracks me up. You, know, because when you only have 6 weeks to date someone (while he dates 24 of your friends), and then get engaged, it's good to go into it knowing each others favorite ice cream flavors. Jason's stylist proved yet again that s/he needs a new career. Laura thinks that maybe Haynes is secretly sponsoring this season...if they haven't already they may as well ask him to be their spokesperson. I think that this season they must have used the same "fantasy suite" for all three girls (so much is wrong with that) because they showed a different area of the room for each "date". I guess after the show J&J put on in the hot tub they couldn't exactly reuse it. So poor Molly only got the bathtub. Nothing says "fantasy" like hanging out in your swimsuit in a bathtub in New Zealand.

So then there's Melissa. I really thought she was a goner after last week, but alas, I think she's getting the final rose. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Her date was pathetically lame. It was beautiful, I'll give them that. But am I correct in observing that "the hot pools" turned out to be a single hot tub> Without even the jets? Hmmm...maybe the whole tropical island locations are a better Bachelor fit after all. Did you notice how many times Jason referred to falling in love with Melissa? My count was three times. I counted zero times that he said anything like that about the other girls.

The Rose Ceremony was just awful. Even though I really had no idea what he was going to do, I was still completely shocked. I'm really not sure why I hated it so much. Then again, I might be just as crazy as these girls for caring enough to write this much about a reality dating show. But that's OK...you might be just as crazy for reading it.