Movin' on Along

Good grief. The moving? It is A LOT of work!!

Just a quick note tonight to say that:

a) Christmas is 50 hours away...and by the skin of my teeth I am READY. Bring it!

b) I close on my house a week from today. This is the one detail in the whole shebang that I actually don't have to do anything for but show up. Holla!

c) I move in 10 days. That thought? TERRIFIES me! I have so many details to figure out. Like...someone to move me. And, tiny detail...WHERE are they going to move it?! I'm going to take the easiest way out on this one and hire someone to pack, move and store my stuff. Three companies are coming tomorrow and hopefully it will be clear which one is the best choice. Where I'm going to be on the other end, on the other hand...well, we're just considering that an adventure. I'll either ask a friend to go check out some options or I'll sign up for something sight unseen. Or I'll live in a hotel or out of my car for a while. I guess either way I'll figure it out.

I know there will be unexpected complications. I've already had my work email/calendar go completely wonky and they haven't even transferred it for real. The real deal will undoubtedly be a disaster. So I'm just trying to expect it--there will certainly be other details that go awry.

I wish I could say that I'm just rolling with all of this and am as cool as a cucumber. To say such a thing would be a bald face lie.

The truth is that I'm beyond stressed out. The combination of the job expectations (how can be this far behind in a job I started yesterday??), Christmas, closing and vacation next week, the move the following week, and meetings in San Francisco the week after are, well, overwhelming to me.

So...I'm trying to breathe a lot remind myself that I WANT this to all happen and that it will ultimately be a good thing. The way it's all unfolded makes me think that it's a God thing, and if that's true that the details have already been worked out.

That's the theory, of course. The practical, well, it's not so rose-colored and sunny.

For those of you in close proximity who are putting up with me right now, thank you for your patience and your encouragement and your amazing, amazing love and support. I know that I can get pretty tightly wound (yes, I just admitted it), but I hope you know how much I appreciate you!!

WooHoo! Bring on the packing tape and bubble wrap!!

Upside Out. Inside Down. And Beach Bound!

So…WOW. What a difference a week makes! Two pretty major things happened in the past seven days that have effectively turned my life upside down and inside out in the blink of an eye.

First—I sold my house! And had it inspected and started down path of the gagillion little details that go into selling I house. I’m a first time seller and my poor realtor is earning her commission—I’m guessing I could win an award for asking the most questions ever. I just like to know how everything works and why it works that way.

Pretty much like a two-year old with an escrow account.

My friends like to tease me that I don’t do anything partway. I don’t just get sick…I get H1N1 or obscure medical conditions. I don’t just hurt myself…I do something to require stitches or pins or some other surgical intervention. And apparently I don’t just do a little something to add chaos to my life…I go a few steps further push my sanity completely to the brink.

You might remember the job I mentioned that fell through at the 11th hour? The whole situation was seriously sucky and I was definitely disappointed about the whole shebang. That’s probably an understatement on both accounts. ANYWAY…in a completely surprising twist of fate, they came back and asked me to reconsider an “enhanced” offer. (Which isn’t as fancy as it sounds, but is what I needed to be able to actually pack up my life and go live in a bankrupt state that was already ridiculously expensive to begin with).

And I said YES!

So I’m moving to Orange County, CA and am completely thrilled with the whole reversal of fortune thing. And shocked. And reeling. And terrified. And already completely in over my head at a new job that I can’t wait to do. I think I just got a seat at the grown-ups table and, well, it should definitely be an interesting ride!

Not sure exactly when I’m headed West, but considering that my house closes in two weeks and I’m moving out 2 weeks after that, my guess is that it’s going to happen pretty fast. There is so much I will miss about Austin (and Texas!), but I'm really excited for this next adventure.

And if 'fate' is listening, while I’m delighted about the recent events, perhaps this week could be a little less eventful. And maybe I could get some Christmas shopping done.

(P.S.—In case you’re wondering, I knew all of this when I posted this. But I had to post it anyway…when I wrote it I didn’t have a clue what was about to unfold!)

(P.P.S--I think that's what 'fate' likes to call IRONY.)

Christmas Countdown

Christmastime when I was kid always began on December 7th—my brother’s birthday is the 6th and my mom strongly believed that he should get to have his day in the sun before we jumped into the Christmas chaos. And we couldn’t blame her—my mom’s birthday is Christmas day and she definitely got what it was like to have your birthday get overshadowed by bigger celebrations.

One of my favorite things we did to prepare was the countdown calendar. As I recall, there’s was a candy cane everyday when we opened the next little window…and I’ve always been a girl who likes my sweets! I love a good countdown when the anticipation builds and the journey to get there becomes as much fun as the eventual destination (this is my complete MO with vacations, too).

The countdown to Christmas is still my favorite part of the holiday—planning gifts, shopping, wrapping. (OK…not wrapping. I actually hate that part.)

I also try to prepare my heart for Christmas on a spiritual level. For several years now the main theme for me has been the reminder me that God keeps his promises…even when it seems that he’s gone away. After generations of Old Testament prophets, silence fell on the Earth and God didn’t “speak” for 400 years. It’s not hard to relate to the feeling they must have had that God just disappeared.

In my own life, it also seems like I’ve been living in silence. For a while now it’s been very difficult for me to hear God’s voice. I’m guessing that it has more to do with me not listening than him not talking— but either way, all I’m hearing are crickets.

And the silence? It’s deafening.

And then Christmas comes. And with it a powerful reminder to me that just because I can’t hear him, it doesn’t for the tiniest moment mean that he’s not here or that he doesn’t love me just as much as he did when I had the frequency dialed in.

I read something that pointed out that God showing up in a manger is a reminder that he can show up any time; any place. That he would choose to do it the way he did is mind boggling. I fully get why it sounds so foolish to someone who doesn’t know God. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that sometimes I feel a little foolish telling the story because I KNOW how it sounds.

And yet…God decided to do something that, honestly, we couldn’t begin to make up. I really love that about him. Hello…a virgin? A manger? But in coming as one of us he rolled up his sleeves and jumped into life with all its messy, painful, JUNK. He became one of us (well…a fully loaded, upgraded version of us).

I can’t wrap my brain around God—and I’m so glad for that. I’m completely uninterested in a God that I could understand or who only works in ways that make sense to me. A god small enough to fit in any box I could make would be an awfully wimpy god.

And I don’t do wimpy. Unless you count the way I wrap gifts.

Life and Jell-O and Time Warps and Such

Hi y’all!

Well…I’ve been taking a bit of a bloggy break and several of you have been so nice to reach out and, well, suggest that it’s time to jump back in. Not only is that just super nice, it’s also shockingly nice.

Um, wow…you noticed I was gone. That’s, well, NICE!

As my last post explained this has been the season of the unkown. I wish I could give you an update with all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed, but I guess it just doesn’t work that way. The truth is that nothing is really different. Still waiting for my house to sell, still trying to figure out my job situation, and still exploring what’s next. And yes…I still hope it’s California!

One of the reasons that I’ve been quiet recently is that I got sick…hello H1N1. Whew! What that little bug lacks in intensity it makes up for in duration. So while it was actually fairly mild, four weeks later I’m still working to get my energy back.

But truth be told, that’s probably just an excuse.

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit like a piece of pineapple stuck in one of my late grandmother’s Jell-o molds. I can sort of see out, but I just feel stuck. (Hmm…after all that Thanksgiving eating I definitely feel “jiggly” too!!) There’s great stuff in my life right now—but I still just feel stuck waiting to see what’s next. I’m a girl who likes to take the bull by the horns and GO, but I just can’t seem to find them right now or figure out which way I’m supposed to be going.

How’s that for a bunch of mixed metaphors?

Anyway, I spent the holiday with my family and took a lot of time to reflect on how grateful I am for so much, despite recent disappointments. In fact, I think I’m even thankful for the disappointments because they allow me to remember and appreciate so many things that I take for granted.

And now (because apparently I’ve been living in a time warp where days fly by at an alarming speed) it’s December and Christmastime. I’d like to be disciplined this month in writing about this season of hope. About what hope means to me. And about faith…something that, honestly, I’ve been struggling with. So we’ll see how I do amongst all the hustle and bustle and merriment of the season, but I’m going to try.

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Do They Make a GPS for That?

I'm the kind of gal that really likes maps. I like knowing the lay of the land--what's North or South and how places are connected together by a spiderweb of roads and highways. I absolutely love to travel but rarely go anywhere without studying a map first to get my bearings and understand the relationship of the location to its surroundings. It helps me to appreciate and more fully experience the destination.

Or maybe I just like control.

The thing about studying a map and "understanding" where I'm at, if I'm really honest, has a lot to do with feeling like I'm in control of where I'm at. That I have knowledge (hello, power!) and that I'm not purely at the mercy of my concierge or cabbie.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I alluded a few times in previous posts (yes, like a million years ago) that there was big news in the works. The truth is that I thought I was bound for Southern California. I've been working towards a really cool promotion for the past year and it looked like it was all going to come together and I was going to pack it all up and head West. I fully imagined life by the beach--surfing, running along the sand, and lots of time to soak up the sun, sights and sounds of ocean living. Truth be told, my heart was pretty much set on it. Oh...and the job would have been a killer career opportunity.

At the eleventh hour it all fell apart. I got the offer, but yada yada ya, we couldn't make the details work out when it all came down to it. I would be lying if I said that I was anything other than incredibly disappointed.

So the past few weeks have been weighty ones. I've had to reconcile that something I really wanted and looked forward to wasn't going to pan out. I was so sure that I had read the map correctly and was navigating to not only where I wanted to go, but also to the place I thought I was supposed to go next.

Yeah. Not so much. Feels a little bit like deja vu.

(And for the record, if you ever have such issues to wade through, I highly recommend retreating to Napa. Definitely worked for me.)

So here I am at the proverbial crossroads. And honestly? I have NO idea what's next. Those of you who know me well can imagine that this is, an, uh, less than comfortable place for me to be. But it's that good kind of uncomfortable. My house is still on the market and I still plan to sell it, but have no idea what I'm going to do if/when it actually sells. I still have a job (for which I am definitely grateful), but I know it's not one that really challenges or excites me. I think it's time for something new, but what that looks like I really don't know.

I think my heart is still in California and there are lots of reasons that I'd like to head West and explore the possibilities. And oh, yeah...we're still in a recession so it's not like there a jobs a plenty just waiting for me to come along.

There have been moments when all of the above have filled me with pause--not to mention some angst. But there have also been lots of moments that have filled me with pure excitement and anticipation of what the next adventure might be.

So here we go...there's a journey ahead. And there's no map for this one. I suspect that all of my control-loving-sensibilities are going to be challenged along the way. But I'm also pretty sure that it's going to be wild and wonderful ride.

Buckle up!

This is Where the Cowboy Rides Away

You know those people in your life who can only be described as enigmatic? They have an uncommon level of spunk and charisma and, just, PRESENCE. Last week I said good-bye to a treasure of man who fits this description. He was family. And he was my grandfather's best friend for decades.

I'm pretty certain that heaven is a much livelier place today now that those two are back together. I like to think that my PaPa had worked out a gag with St. Peter and Sonny was met with a heaven-sized practical joke. And I'm certain that Sonny will return in kind.

These two old cowboys were from my favorite place in the middle of nowhere--Roby, Texas. This is literally a hole in the wall square of red dirt, but it is my absolute favorite place in then entire world because it is DRIPPING with so many of my favorite childhood memories. Robytown will have to be it's own entry at some point, but while I was sitting in this little country Baptist church at the funeral, I had a few observations:

1. REAL hat head comes from a cowboy hat. That hat, by the way, is waiting for you along with a dozen others in the foyer. You certainly wouldn't think about wearing it into the service.

2. Chewing gum in church is just TACKY. Chewing gum at a funeral is unconscionable.

3. The way that people in small towns not only pull over, but actually get out of their cars and stand attentively when a funeral procession passes by is simply priceless. That's the purest kind of class.

4. Living your life in such a way that you pack the church and leave the preacher struggling to sum up the kind of person you were and the positive mark you made is the way I want to live. The preacher quoted an old bumper sticker: Live your life in such a way that the preacher doesn't have to lie at your funeral. Yep. That's the way to do it.

These days I'm reminded more and more of how unpredictable life can be. One moment you may have everything planned out, but the next moment you may feel like the rug was pulled out from underneath you.

(Not that I would know anything about that personally. Ahem.)

Life is fragile. And fabulous. And sometimes frustrating. And either way it goes by really fast.

When my sweet PaPa died a year ago I had the opportunity to say a few words at his funeral. I talked about how this amazing man was a light in a world full of darkness. How he loved God and loved others and his life showcased both. Sonny did the same.

The legacy that men like Sonny Turnbow and Garland Moore leave for the rest of us is the opportunity to carry that flame and continue to shine light in a very dark and dirty and desperate world.

My own light might flicker from time to time. Or a lot. (There are certainly plenty of times that I feel dark and dirty and desperate). But I'm going to do my best. There are too many people who need the light. And too many who made a point of passing it on to me.

And I take a lof of comfort in know that the darkness? It will never overcome the light.

More Than and Thousand Monkeys

I’m just going to say it: my niece and nephew are the two coolest kids on the planet. OK…yes. Perhaps I’m biased. And perhaps those are close to fighting words because you believe that YOU have the coolest kid(s) on the planet. Perhaps we’re both right.

I spent the weekend with Mr. T (4 ½) and Baby K (18mo). In general, Mr. T is all sugar and Baby K is all spice. I love getting in some good Aunt Moose time and just playing with these kiddos. We got down and dirty and managed to squeeze in a weekend jam packed with fun. These kids are sweet, smart, funny and crazy cute.

(Really—Jason, how did you manage to have such beautiful and amazing children??)

On Saturday we were outside playing and we had the sidewalk chalk out. I drew a picture and asked Mr. T if he knew what it was. He said, “Yes! It’s a MOOSE!” I said, ‘You’re right buddy! But do I REALLY look like that??” He looked at me with the most incredulous little face and said, “Uh, NO…You’re an AUNT Moose!”

Duh. Apparently that’s a whole other species. (And I’m not complaining).

At another time I was sitting with him and I asked him if he knows how much I love him. He stretched out his arms as wide as he could and said, “This much?” I stretched out my own arms, which of course were much wider, and said, “Even MORE than THIS much! 5 times more. 500 times more. 5 MILLION times more!” He looked at me with wide-eyed wonder and said, “I know—a THOUSAND times more!”

He jumped up and ran off to his room and came right back with a book. I should have noted the title, but it’s something that starts with a couple of monkeys and eventually builds to the crescendo—a thousand monkeys. He anxiously turned the last page, animated with monkeys everywhere, and proclaimed that he loves me “more than a thousand monkeys!”

Yep. That’s my kind of kid!