Ante Up

A year ago I thought I was the happiest I had ever been. I was madly in love with a guy I thought was “the one” and after a long time of waiting to find Prince Charming I thought everything was falling into place and it was all going to happen. Finally. All those things I wanted so much—passionate love, a great marriage, kiddos—would move from being things I dreamt about and become my daily life.

Yeah. Well. It clearly didn’t pan out that way.

Literally overnight we went from talking about marriage and dreaming about our future together to him telling me that this was over. In a word? Blindsided. In another word, devastated.

I’ll spare you all the messy details and just say that those were some dark days that followed.

But now it’s been almost a year, and you know what? I can honestly say that I’m happier right now than I have ever been. WOW. I did NOT see that coming. (And this is the kind of blindsided that I can get on board with.)

The thing is, I finally figured something out. It’s a funny thing to be 36 and single. It’s a state of being that most of world can’t relate to, and—most of the time—doesn’t quite know what to do with. Those of us in this life stage are often “other.” And I’ve spent a lot of time waiting and wanting to escape this category and fall into some idea of life that qualifies as “ordinary.”

And I regret to say that in my case, that waiting equated to mostly going through the motions while wishing I’d been dealt a different hand. Um, what’s that all about? What a waste of perfectly wonderful life. An extraordinary one, even.

And so at some point—without even realizing it, really—I got in the game and started to play the cards I’ve been dealt. And you know what? It’s a pretty fabulous hand.

I see it all around me—people who are stuck thinking about how green that grass looks on the other side of the fence. And it’s not just the single set. It always throws me for a loop when I hear people who have all things I think I want complain about their husbands or constantly tell me how their kids frustrate and exhaust them and rarely choose to focus on the light and love and joy that they bring.

It seems to me that we each have dozens of choices to make every day. And among the biggest of those is choosing how we’re going to look at this crazy little thing called life. I still hope that someday I’ll have the chance to be a wife and mom--and if I get that hand I’ll do all I can to play it well. But those aren’t the cards I’m holding right now.

And there’s no way I’m going to fold and go home.

What choices are you making today?

Me? I’m ALL IN.

The Economics of Dating?

I'm a night owl. I'm usually getting my second (third? fourth?) wind around 10:00PM and there are way too many nights that I end up staying up much later than I need to. And I subsequently pay for it the following morning when I drag myself jump cheerfully out of bed at an hour that most people find acceptable and I find down right painful.

Watching "Nightline" is usually part of my attempt to slow down and get ready for bed and I was blown away by a story Monday night about dating in a down economy. Am I the only one who was unaware that dating was highly sensitive to the economic climate? I must have missed that in B-School.

Now, I can completely appreciate that people might not spend as much on expensive restaurants or other activities, but according to these folks we are in the midst of serious dating reform. Apparently the dating behaviors of flush times are no longer acceptable.

(Um...I'm trying hard to follow along at home, but I'm just not getting it.)

You can click the link above to read the full story, but here are are few gems that I need to share to bring you into the twilight zone with me. The love guru quoted through the piece is Rachel Greenwald, dating coach, matchmaker and author. She cheerfully explained that "there doesn't have to be a monetary value associated with the perfect date; it's all about the company. People are doing different things, and now they value partners who can bring more depth to the relationship instead of just a hot babe."

(Well, hello Captain Obvious. Glad you could join us.)

She went on to explain that it used to be OK for your online dating profile to say you wanted someone who makes more than $150K, but in this dating economy it's better to say that you want someone who has a kind heart.

I suppose that's it's OK to say whatever you want on your profile--and I'll admit that I don't have one so I might not be an expert on this point--but I feel pretty confident that if the crux of your profile is resting on the financial status of your potential prince charming, well, let's just say you might expect to get what you pay for.

According to Nightline, "People are not looking for style and flash and hookups as much as they were," Greenwald said. "Now they're looking for substance and someone who can be with them in good times and, more often, bad times."

So if I'm catching on and making sense of all this, it sounds like one of the effects of the economic recession is a renewed search for substance, character and integrity in a mate.

(Sounds to me like things are looking up.)

Street Walker

How can another weekend possibly be over? Hmmm...what do you suppose we need to do to make 3-day weekends the standard? Mr. Obama? Ms. Pelosi? All of you slaving away in Texas during the legislative session? Surely someone can introduce and lobby for something along these lines. Call me. I'm more than happy to testify.

I spent Saturday afternoon at a crawfish boil put on by the Young Men's Business League. I'm not going to lie. It was depressing to realize how much younger than me the young businessmen in Austin apparently are.

It was one of the first times I felt down right geriatric at such a function.

Luckily I was hanging with Lindsay G. and we didn't let the age issue slow us down. We found our way over the game area and rocked it. We played washers (I won!) and a game that none of us had ever seen and we just made up rules as we went along. That made it pretty easy for us to dominate there as well.

Not that I'm, um, competitive or anything. Certainly not.

My real accomplishment of the weekend, though came today. See these?

I've been staring wistfully at these for many weeks now. (Even more than my beautiful stilettos.)

And today?

Yep...I was able to not only wear them, but even take them for a spin around the block. It was just a little walk (30 minutes!)...but they were, literally, the first steps towards being completely "back on my feet."

And that's better than winning any party game (and didn't require me to channel my inner cougar).

Oh, come on. You know me better than that. Then again...I have been around the block.

A Brand New Day

Whew!

Wow. I had so many great intentions for blogging my little heart out over the weekend. The weekend that was--in a word--DERAILED. Isn't life funny that way? You think you have a grip on things and then poof! What you had planned flies right out the window.

I'm not going to go into the details of said derailment except to say that the past came to visit. It wasn't a particularly bad visit. Parts of it were completely enjoyable.

But the thing about the past? It's the past.

And I've looked backwards for too long and am so happy that when the past drove away and left it actually, well, LEFT. I really needed that. And so now that the past is gone? I'm looking forward to the future. And for the first time in such a long, long time, I know I'll be OK.

(Um...yes. I acknowledge that was beyond cryptic. Sorry about that. Sometimes that's just how it has to be when you're talking to the blogosphere.)

So speaking of the future...tomorrow is a big day! Not just because it's Cinco de Mayo and a great opportunity to enjoy your favorite Mexican food delights with your favorite margarita (on the rocks with salt, por favor). It's also the day that I get "declawed"!! Yep...these blasted pins in my toes are making their exit tomorrow. I'm not going to pretend that it's going to be a pleasant experience when they get removed, but I'll deal with that. It's time to say farewell to my piercings and get back to real, normal, toe-bling-free life!

I'm sure I'll have more to say about that tomorrow. In the mean time, I'll leave you with a link to one of my favorite artists ....click on "music" and you can play the third song down to better understand the title of this post. And if you listen on to the fourth song...well, that's the kind of future that I'll fall asleep dreaming about tonight.

Enjoy!

Alternate Reality: The Bachelor

Wow. WOW.

So this week's Bachelor was a train wreck DELUXE! It was so chocked full of moments that are screaming for commentary that I actually had to get out a pad and pen so I could keep track of all the crazy. Chocked FULL! There's so much that I'm not even sure where to start, so I'm just going to dive in and warn you now that this is gonna be a long one.

The Singing.
It's always interesting to see what's going to happen in these moments, and future bachelor and bachelorettes should just take note--if you take yourself too seriously, you're not going to win the date. Stephanie with the operetta. In hot pink hot pants with the side pony tail, way too much bling, and a little bare midriff. So, so bad. And Lauren, you missed the point. When you are so certain of your victory it usually means the only thing certain is your defeat. Humility is hot. (Maybe we can chip in a get her a t-shirt with that on it?)

The Group Date.
There's always drama on these dates, but this was so over the top. All the "stage kissing" in front of each other didn't do anything to ease the tension, but I did enjoy the expressions from the other girls as they watched each other mug down. I thought they were going to need a real doctor after Megan mauled Jason in their scene. And Melissa could have poked an eye out with that pouf. Our little watch group had to pause it so we could try to figure out the physics of that ponytail. We were unsuccessful.

Once they moved to the "wrap party" it just got worse and the real soap opera began. All the crying! I might have felt sorry for Jason but I think he amped it up with his sleepover with Molly the night before. I'm a single woman out there in the dating game. I can assure you that if I went out with someone and knew he'd spent the night with someone else and woke up that morning to go out with me, I might, well, be feeling a little drama myself. Then again, I wouldn't be on a date with other women at the same time...hmmm...OK...I digress.

Rising to the top of the heap...Lauren with the ultimatum. Seriously?? Single friends--please tell me you know this approach never works. Couldn't you just see it on his face as hie imagined, uh, being "dominated" for the rest of his life? Not pretty. Melissa with the shorts--another point where we had to pause and inspect to figure out what was going on. We decided that they were spandex-ish workout-ish shorts. Not a fashion trend that I'm gonna be getting on board with anytime soon! If you have insight on what she was wearing, please post it in the comments section!

And finally on this date: The. MOST. AWKWARD. Bachelor. Moment. EVER. Poor, poor, crazy, stalker, Shannon. I laughed so hard I cried. But let me assure you that I did not end up with the oh so unattractive snot face that she was sporting. The "I won't let you leave me" stalker revelation followed by the nose blowing/picking followed by that attempt at the kiss. Classic. Really one of the best Bachelor moments ever. Chris Harrison says it best on his blog, " Don't blow your nose, pick it, and then go in for a kiss. And if you do, don't be so shocked when the other person rejects you." Yeah. Enough said. (BTW...Chris Harrison rocks, as does his blog with the weekly behind the scenes scoop).

The 2 on 1 Date.
I'll be brief here. I just need to say that while Stephanie seems like a perfectly lovely person, her mannerisms are that of a 45-50 year old (no offense to the many fabulous women I know in this age range...who act much younger and hipper than Stephanie does). I did feel bad for Nikki here. And I hope that she seeks some counseling because it's tough times for her and she's clearly not over that last break-up. Stephanie's face when Jason chose her was painfully smug. I'm only glad she's still around because I get so tickled by Laura's reaction every time Stephanie says "My man". Which is A LOT.

The Rest of It.
I'm giving Jason props for not giving out all the roses. He did manage to lower the crazy factor before he takes them home next week. And speaking of the crazy factor...Shannon, Shannon, Shannon. Sigh. Really?? Did you notice that in each frame of this episode she managed to look more like a crazy bag lady? Topped off with the macrame mu mu. Really. Not. Good. But, bless her for giving us the MOST AWESOME moment in all of Bachelor history. Her exit interview and those final last words, "I'm going to go home, get my electric toothbrush and give my puppy french kisses."

Let's just hope she wiped the snot off first.