"All the Clouds are Aligning"

Oh, where to even start? Let's go with the fact that I know this is late. It's Wednesday. The show was Monday. The 2 of you who actually check to see what commentary I have to share (thanks, BTW!) might actually want it to be timely. But let's be honest...while I'm addicted to this silly little show I am actually trying to have a life at the same time. And one day I might even write about my life rather than the lives of these beautiful singles who are trying to find love in front of you, me, and all of America. But not today. Today, we focus on our "reality show rejects."

I'll tell it to you straight--I've never enjoyed the "Girls Tell All" episode and have always felt like it was just a stumbling block to the finale. BUT...this season it was different. Why, you ask? Two words: Chris Harrison. And our buddy Chris? He BROUGHT IT! Seriously! Forget these lame guys who are competing, our indelible host is the real deal.

I think this was the first time that Chris and the bachelor have had that little fire side chat to give us the real skinny on what he thought about the various antics throughout the season. It's pretty obvious that Chris and Jason have developed a real friendship (perhaps the only REAL relationship that will survive this show). And so I guess that's what opened the door for Chris to be, well, pretty darn honest and direct in his questioning.

There was a lot of good stuff here, but let's just cut to the goodies. He NAILED Jason on the Jillian situation. I love that he didn't let him get away with the whole "I need more than just a best friend" junk. Yeah...because in that hot tub scene there was clearly NO chemistry. His exact words (because they're worth enjoying again verbatim--and don't think that LB and I didn't rewind it at least 5 times), "What you did in the hot tub almost consummated a marriage. Cinemax called and THEY said it was too much!" I'm such a fan of just telling it like it is.

Chris also pushed J on the tent overnight with Molly. I'm certain I'm the not only one that saw right through J's face when he said, appropriately utilizing the baseball euphemism, that he only made it to first base.

Hey Jason--call me when you want to play some poker, cause I stink at the game but even my poker face is better than that!

After that delightful little segment wrapped up we were subjected to the parade of former contestants. For the love of Pete...ENOUGH of Ryan and Trista. Really. They just keep saying the same thing every time and I'm done with it. ONE successful couple of the dozen that the show has produced is not going to convince me that my ticket to true love and happiness is via ABC. (Sorry, Laura... ;-) ).

Even worse than Ryan and Trista were Charlie and Sarah. Now, I know that I just said that I'm a fan of telling it like it is. But that's a little different than airing your dirty laundry, once again, a la the the American Broadcasting Company. When Sarah said that they broke up the first time because "it was all the drinking. I didn't appreciate his drinking" I about spit out my wine. Maybe it's because I'm Southern. Or maybe I just know the difference between straight shooting and verbal incontinence. Either way, Sarah dear...TOO MUCH INFORMATION! And you know that ABC was scraping the bottom of the barrel if the trotted that out as a success story.

I did, however, enjoy the story of Fred and Noelle. They're pretty darn cute and I wish 'em well!

Finally we got to the drama deluxe portion of the broadcast.

Oh, Natalie. "If you don't feel a connection with me, like, who do you think you are, GOD?" Hmmm...perhaps it was her professed love of bears that did it. [And wow, chickie gave some FACES throughout the show]. But, of course, I did feel sorry for her...she's a lost soul wrapped up in a Barbie body and biker chick duds...and she was as scattered as a mess of fire ants when you step on the mound.

Nikki...why did she keep calling Natalie "Nat"?? Is using a pet name when you dish on someone supposed to soften the blow?

Naomi...I have to just say it...I have no idea what she was saying...could the cameraman NOT have changed the angle on that? Did we really need to see Lauren's boobs the whole time?? That was painfully uncomfortable!

Shannon...oh, she's just as crazy as ever. CRAZY. That's enough about her.

Stephanie...hello...1992 called and wants that outfit back. I know, I KNOW...she's NICE. Yeah. Unfortunately her since of style hasn't quite caught up (though I do appreciate any girl that really owns her style that much).

And then there's our Jillian. Sigh. She's so going to be the next Bachelorette and I was tickled that Chris seemed to imply that it was more than wishful thinking on our part. And, once again, I had total dress envy. That girl's got STYLE! I think I'm about a foot taller than her, but I'd still love to do a little shopping out her closet!

So, there you have it. We got the montage of Molly and Melissa (I'm still laughing about the "hot pools" that was just a big barrel of hot water) and a teaser to let us know that something's about to happen that will result in an "After the Final Rose" show that's SO CONTROVERSIAL that they filmed it without an audience (but, you, know, are apparently going to still let those of us close and personal friends at home watch en mass). Jason was acting weird about it and we think there's something fishy. Will he pull a "Brad" and not pick either? Will he (horror of horrors) end up with DeAnna? Or are they just trying to fake us out? All of his words in the montage certainly pointed towards Melissa, but I guess we'll all just have to tune in next week and see.

Until then, just remember that Jason feels like "All the clouds are aligning".

[And perhaps I'll squeeze a post that less TV and more reality].